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AWAKENING movie and wasnt watching His (18 March 2007)

ONE

My mind was in turmoil as I lay in the relative silence of the night.
Next to me, Karen snored softly and I could hear the cats romping in the
other room. The creak of a bedspring reached my ears - one of the children
turning over in their sleep, no doubt.

I can feel a wry grin creasing my face; here it is, two o'clock in the
morning and I can hear every little sound in the house. My half-smile
changes into a frown as I realize there's one certain set of sounds I can
hear, coming from the room next to mine.

Mixed feelings of elation - and guilt - flow through me. Not really a
bad feeling, as one might expect under the circumstances, but one which
leaves me wondering about my own sanity. Beside me, Karen turns over and
her hand brushes against my cock, giving it a squeeze. Normally, I'd be
rock hard in seconds; but tonight is so different!

Without a single command from my troubled mind, I begin to relive events
which had taken place only a few hours ago...

TWO

Strong yet soft hands knead the flesh of my ass. I can hear the labored
breathing of the other person with me, brought on by a combination of
exertion and excitement. Multiple sensations play against my senses: The
hands moving randomly over my body, touching and feeling every exposed inch
of skin. The ticklish feeling as strands of loose hair brush across my
stomach, sending my taut muscles into delightful spasms. The nearly
indescribable combined feelings of wetness, tightness, motion and friction
as lips, tongue, and mouth weave a pattern of pleasure along my rigid cock.

A sharp intake of breath from me as the tongue slides wetly across the
sensitive head of my cock and a low moan from the throat of the person who
sparked the feeling. My cock, having been under this delicious assault for
ten minutes or so, begins to grow longer and thicker, bringing a whimper of
anticipation from the one bringing me this somewhat obscene pleasure.

I can feel the passion building as my hips begin to thrust on their own.
I'm so close to losing it and I don't want this to end. At the same time,
something inside me is saying I shouldn't be doing this in the first place.
The emotional war rages on for a few more seconds until a more important
action demands all of my attention. My thrusts become more erratic,
creating a crazy rhythm which the luscious mouth surrounding me tries to
keep up with. Those strong, soft hands grip my ass tighter, attempting to
hold me in place, the fingers now kneading my flesh with greater urgency. A
single word escapes my lips: No. But, it's too late...

The first spasm rocks me and I can actually feel the first jet of sperm
fly from the tortured head of my cock. The second spasm is microseconds
behind the first and the mouth tightens its grip on me, sucking hard as my
seed slows from me. I can feel throat muscles at work as the one with me
swallows my copious load - and that simple action triggers one final,
mind-numbing spurt.

A grunt explodes from me and I shake uncontrollably. Tiny jerks are all
which remain as the mouth literally vacuums the last of my seed from me.
At last, the mouth is removed and I look into the face of the one who
delivered my pleasure. Dark, red-gold hair framing a face flushed equally
red with excitement. Blue eyes, pupils wide, stare into my brown ones and
that mouth, oh, that wonderful mouth, stretches into the most beautiful
smile I've ever seen. A long, pink tongue flicks from that smile to steal
away a gobbet of come which somehow managed to escape the mouth.

I feel... so good and so bad. I could have stopped this before it even
happened, all the while knowing I wouldn't. As I collect my thoughts, a
single tear flows from one corner of those electric blue eyes, bringing me
instantly into focus.

"What's wrong?" I ask, feeling a little fear building inside of me.

"Nothing, nothing at all. I've waited so long for this and, shit, I'm
just happy, that's all."

Even though I can easily see the truth of those words, I asked, "Are you
sure?"

"Never felt better. You were really something."

We untangle ourselves allowing me to move from my leaning-back position.
My elbows are a little sore - how long had I been leaning on them like
this? Doesn't matter because the guilt I knew was coming has, indeed,
arrived and it's really doing a number on me.

"Are you okay?" I force a smile before answering.

"Just fine. How long have you been doing this?"

Rob looks back at me, his face turning an interesting shade of red.
"This is my first time, actually."

I blink with surprise at the announcement. I had just been sucked off
expertly - by someone who hadn't done it before tonight.

"Really? I'm impressed."

"Thanks. Man, you sure bring a load when you come, don't you?"

I can feel my own face flush with heat. "Well..."

Rob's smile widens. "Hey, don't get me wrong! It was everything I had
hoped for and then some."

Any response I might have made is cut off at hearing the distinctive
sound of a key being pushed into a lock - Karen was home. Suddenly, Rob
and I rush to put ourselves into some semblance of normalcy; it wouldn't do
to have Karen walk into the room and find her husband and their friend
lying together naked.

We managed to get dressed and into a "respectable" setting just scant
seconds before Karen sticks her head in the door. "Hi, guys. I'm back -
what's going on?"

Rob and I both answer together. "Nothing. We were just sitting and
talking. You know - guy stuff."

"Well, okay. I'm going to put the kids to bed. Kenny?"

I looked toward my wife, hoping she can't read the look on my face.
"Yeah, babe?"

"See you when you come to bed. Don't keep Rob up all night running your
mouth, okay?"

"Sure, Karen. See you in a few minutes." My wife steps out of the room,
closing the door behind her. Rob looks at me, alarmed.

"Do you think she suspects anything?"

"Not at all. But..." I say standing and stretching, "I'd better get in
there before she does. We'll talk about this tomorrow, okay?"

"Whatever you say. Ken?"

"Hmm?"

"I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I do love you."

Shit. Now, how did I know he was going to say that? Because as I
turned off the light on my way out, I knew he loved me just as much as I
love him. It was going to be a long night...

THREE

Karen snores loudly, breaking my reverie. I realize my breathing has
increased and, looky-looky! My cock is hard and throbbing with each beat
of my racing pulse. In the darkness, I throw a sour look at my cock. He
can lay like a dummy when Karen touches him but I'm lying here, thinking
about making love with Rob, and he's at attention! Traitor!

And, this is the reality I've been trying to avoid for the last couple
of hours. Not only did I have to deal with having my cock sucked so nicely
by another man, I also had to deal with the certain fact that I started the
whole thing.

THIS is a bitch to deal with! I saw the signs yet chose to ignore them.
Like a VCR, my thoughts rewind back to the first time I noticed what was
going on. As with all such things, it started innocently. Rob was on my
bowling team and it made sense to be friendly, didn't it? Then there were
the little gifts, all unexpected and, to me, unearned. Oh, but what should
have hipped me was the wrestling match a couple of weeks ago.

Rob had stopped by to visit and caught me doing some martial arts
exercises. He made a comment about being able to take me and I remember
laughing at him. After all, I'm 6'1", 180 pounds - and a trained killer.
Rob was 5'8" or so and probably weighed about 130 or 140 soaking wet with
bricks in his pockets - the boy probably couldn't kill a roach without some
help.

The next thing I knew, Rob was out of his seat and I reacted as trained,
planting him onto the unyielding floor. His freckled face went red as all
the air rushed out of him.

"Well, so much for you being able to take me, huh?" I asked.

"You caught me off guard. I can whip your black ass."

Oops. Wrong answer. I could feel the predatory smile spreading across
my dark features. "Really? Bring your silly white ass on, then. It's
time to go to school, my friend."

For the next hour, I mopped the floor with Rob. At first, I was going
easy on him - it was no contest, really. I easily held him immobile with
various mat techniques and "gentle" joint locks applied just hard enough to
let him know I was in control.

Or was I? After letting him up, he tried to smooth his hair, grimacing
at the pain flowing through his hand.

"Is that all you got? You're a pussy, you know that?"

Oh, was that ever the wrong thing to say! "Rob," I began, "I don't want
to really hurt you."

"Hurt me? You don't have what it takes." Rob lunged at me once more
and, in that instance, something snapped. I took him down hard, determined
to shut his mouth once and for all. The next hour was spent punishing him.
At one point, Rob punched me in the nose, something I hadn't really
expected since we were just wrestling. That was the final straw. Up until
this point, I was content with using my judo skills against his feeble
attempts.

"You hit like a girl," I commented, wiping a drop of blood from my
fingers.

"Maybe, but your nose is bleeding - mine isn't."

I could feel my mood turning dangerous. I went from just playing with
him to wanting to hurt him, as if our battle was for real. My discipline
returned and I could feel it's calming effect on me. "Well," I said after
a moment. "We'll just have to fix that, won't we?"

"If you're man enough," he replied, just before I snapped a very light
punch right on the bridge of his nose, just hard enough to sting and to
draw blood. Rob look back at me, stunned; I could tell he hadn't even seen
my hands move.

"Not bad - you're fast." Rob feigned turning away before winging a
roundhouse left toward me. Amateur. I turned his punching against him,
using his momentum to once again dump him flat on his back.

And, this time I wasn't going to let him up. Rob struggled against my
superior strength, his hands grabbing and clutching at my sweat-drenched
body. He grabbed my cock and squeezed several times and, despite my state
of mind, I could feel my cock hardening again.

Again? Dimly, I became aware of something. Throughout all of this, Rob
had been feeling me up! Shit! As realization dawned on me, I could really
recall his being on top of me, grinding his crotch against mine. Another
flash of understanding; at one point, he had his head in my lap, his face
nuzzling my cock through my pants.

As Rob struggled against me, I could feel the sudden anger flowing
through me at being suckered into this! Growling, I switched my grip
around his neck and squeezed just enough to get him gagging. His hand,
which had been massaging my cock, began to tap on my leg, the signal he had
surrendered.

I was so angry! Not at Rob, but at myself because everything he had
done suddenly made sense to me. All the gifts, all the closeness... his
interest in me was sexual! And I fell for it, hook, line, and sinker.

Rob went home shortly afterwards, leaving me plenty of time to sort
things out. I knew I'd see him at our next bowling match and, by God,
he'll have some answering to do!

FOUR

As it turned out, Rob missed that night of bowling. A couple of days
later, I learned he had lost his job, gotten news his grandmother had died
and, to top things off, he'd been evicted from his apartment. All of this
stressed him out so much he had checked into a mental treatment center and
the staff there had called me. After getting directions to the facility, I
went to see Rob.

So deep was my concern for his well-being, I never did ask him about the
events of a few nights ago. Instead, I found myself offering him a place
to stay until he could get back on his feet. Karen agreed it was the right
thing to do; after all, we were friends. A few days later, Rob was
released into my custody and we moved his meager possessions into the spare
bedroom.

We left Rob alone to get things organized. Karen took the children to
some event she had to attend, leaving me alone with Rob. No big deal
because I had some things to do around the house of my own and set about my
tasks. I went toward the bathroom to empty the trash when I heard the
sounds of Rob crying. Concerned, I stuck my head into his room.

"Hey! What's wrong, man?

Rob looked up at me, wiping his eyes. "Ken, I've got so much shit on my
mind right now I don't know what to do."

Putting down the trash can, I entered the room, sitting next to him on
the bed. "You wanna talk about it?"

He nodded, wiped his eyes once again and took a moment to clear his
throat. "What would you do if you found out you were in love with somebody
- but they didn't know it?"

I frowned, thinking. "That's hard to say. Obviously, you gotta do
whatever your heart tells you."

"But, if I tell this person how I feel, it could turn out bad."

I shrugged. "It's a risk we all take at some time or another. I would
think the easiest thing to do is catch up with this person and tell them
how you feel and deal with it after that."

"That's good advice," Rob said. He looked at me with an intensity I
found surprising. Alarms were going off in my head - and I didn't know
why.

Rob's blue eyes studied me and I could see he was running things through
his mind. Then he uttered those fateful words. "Kenny, I'm in love with
you."

The announcement hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks. I was
surprised, yet, not surprised. Everything which had taken place prior to
his revelation suddenly made perfectly good sense.

Stupidly, I asked, "Why me?"

Rob smiled. "Why not? I think you are a beautiful man. Strong, smart
- all that." All I could do was sit there with a dumb look on my face as
Rob continued.

"I tried to tell you before but couldn't bring myself to do it. Then, I
decided to challenge you to that match, figuring I'd get my feels in and
you'd get the hint."

Uh huh. Suspicions confirmed. Still dumbfounded, I said, "I don't take
hints very well."

"So I learned - and painfully, too." Rob fell silent, waiting for me to
say or do something.

Instead of the two million questions I had in my mind, all I could ask
was, "What do you want to do about this?" Seemed like a good question...

"I want to suck your cock," he replied before bursting into tears once
again. In that moment, my heart went out to him and I made a decision.
Standing, I removed my pants and said, "Well, here it is..."

Now I'm lying here in bed, feeling so good about it - and wondering if
I'm gay or something. This wasn't the first time I'd had my cock sucked by
a man, but it was the first time it had ever affected me in this manner.
This wasn't kids playing around or someone trying to repay a debt - this
was for real. Rob was in love with me and, oh, my God, I was in love with
him as well.

FIVE

We were spared any day-after awkwardness; Rob had gotten up early to go
job hunting and to fill prescriptions and we didn't see him the rest of the
morning. He arrived later in the afternoon, arms laden with groceries.

"What's up?" I asked, taking several bags from him.

"Well, I found a job and to celebrate, I'm fixing dinner for the
family."

"You don't have to," I protested.

"Sure I do. Gotta pull my weight around here, don't I? Besides..." Rob
looked around, seeing Karen in the kitchen putting away the bags' contents.
"...I just want to show my appreciation. For everything." Didn't take a
genius to figure out the meaning of his words. I gave in to the moment,
all the while wondering what monster had been created last night.

Dinner was surprisingly excellent. Rob had done a masterful job in the
kitchen. Afterwards, he insisted on cleaning up, which suited Karen just
fine. We sat around for a while, drinking coffee and eating the apple pie Rob had made when Karen got up and called the children.

"Where are you off to?" I asked.

"Going over to Mom's. Promised her I help her with the program next
week. We'll be back as soon as we can."

Inside, my heart leaped for joy; Rob and I would be alone to talk about
last night. On the other hand, I didn't want to be alone with him, unsure
of myself. I stole a glance in Rob's direction; if he was excited at being
alone with me, he didn't show it.

Minutes later, Karen and the children were out the door. Now alone with
Rob, I made a show of emptying ashtrays. I could feel anticipation flowing
through me.

"Here," Rob said, reaching for the ashtray I held. "I'll do it." I
didn't offer much resistance as he took the ashtray from me. "How long
will Karen be gone?"

I knew Karen's visits with her mother often took several hours. I
looked at my watch - it was 6:30. "She won't be home until 11 or so," I
answered.

Rob nodded, returning the ashtray to its proper place. "So, what do you
want to do? Play cards or something?"

"I can think of something better to do," I said.

Rob smiled and his eyes sparkled. "I was hoping you would," he said.
Without another word, he turned toward his room and I followed him.

Once inside, Rob removed his clothes and stretched out on the bed. As I
undressed, I couldn't stop myself from admiring his body. Skinny by
comparison, his chest had a few strands of curly hair adorning it. My eyes
traveled down the length of his flat stomach to his crotch where his cock
lay nestled in dark reddish-blonde hair. My own cock, now free of its
trappings began to rise to the occasion and I found myself wanting him so
very much.

I lay next to him, propping myself up on an elbow and looked into his
eyes. He looked so sweet and innocent lying there, his thin lips slightly
parted. My own senses were heightened; I could actually see his pupils
widening as his own excitement worked its magic on him. Little beads of
sweat appeared as if by magic and, before I realized it, I lowered my head,
kissing him deeply.

My tongue slid between his lips and found his and I could hear and feel
him moan in delight. My cock, which was merely stirring, went to full
raging hardness in an instant and I felt a little lightheaded as blood
rushed to fill my member. Rob's arms embraced me, pulling me closer to
him. A part of my mind was aghast while another just didn't give a fuck.

We broke the kiss. Rob had a far away, dreamy look in his eyes and,
sweet Jesus, I could feel my own love for him growing. He sat up, pushing
me onto my back and I allowed it, giving myself up to the moment. A
whirlwind of emotions flowed through me as Rob nuzzled my neck and throat,
kissing his way down to my nipples. He sucked each one in turn, increasing
my pleasure before leaving them for his true objective.

His lips fluttered across my stomach until he reached the engorged knob
of my cock. I sighed as his mouth closed over it, his tongue spiriting
away the drop of pre-come which had collected there. Rob uttered a little
cry of delight, swallowing as much of my eight-inch hardness as he could
before gagging slightly.

"Easy, baby," I whispered. "Just relax and go easy."

Rob squeezed my sac gently in reply. Taking a deep breath around my
thickness, he proceeded to swallow me whole, his nose coming to rest in my
jet black pubic hairs, and I sighed. To show my appreciation, I managed to
move him until I had access to his own turgid member. At my initial touch,
Rob trembled and his hips urged me to continue. To my own surprise, I did,
drawing him into my mouth.

This wasn't the first time I'd ever had a man in my mouth; still, this
was the first time it ever meant anything to me. Rob's smaller shaft felt
so good in my mouth! Despite myself, I could feel myself getting into
sucking him, taking him fully into my throat easily. I let my tongue do
its own thing along the smooth, swollen glans, teasing and probing,
relishing the sheer pleasure of it.

My actions prodded him to greater action as Rob increased his efforts
against my stiff manhood. Inwardly, I smiled; he was trying so hard to
please me while my efforts were, well, effortless. Then again, I was much
more experienced at this. I could feel the telltale ripples running along
Rob's cock, signaling his imminent release. He was close to losing it and
it was my honor to make sure he did.

Rob fucked into my mouth furiously and it was all I could do to keep my
teeth from nipping him too hard. He lifted his head free of my cock,
crying out as the first spurts of his come splashed into my waiting mouth.
Oh, but he tasted so sweet! Hungrily, I drained him, leaving his cock very
limp.

I propped myself up once again and looked at the exhausted younger man,
feeling rather happy with what I had accomplished. Rob lay there panting,
his eyes unfocused and trying to look everywhere at once.

"Wow," he rasped after a few minutes. "Jesus, you're good! I take it
you've done this before."

I smiled sweetly at my new love. "Of course I have. Been a while, but
it's like riding a bike, you know?" Still collecting his thoughts, all Rob
could do was nod. I could feel my erection hot against my stomach,
unattended. Surprisingly, it didn't bother me as it might have under other
circumstances. No, I was content, taking a great deal of pride and
pleasure of having gotten him off.

"I need you to do something for me," Rob said.

"What's that, babe?" 'Babe?' Oh, Lord...

"I want you to fuck me."

I was afraid of this. In my slightly perverted upbringing, I knew what
it was like to be on either end of this deal, learning I really didn't care
to be fucked. This put a thing in my head to never want to fuck someone in
the ass - no point in me doing something I didn't like having done, right?

"I, uh, I can't," I stammered.

"Why not? I want you."

"I, shit, I can't explain it."

"You don't love me." I could hear the tears in his voice, making me feel
like a heel.

"Of course I do." Who said that?

"Then do it. Stick that big, black motherfucker up my ass! Show me you
love me."

One part of me argued against violating any more of my so-called
principles. Another part, the one attached to my very thick and swollen
cock, was telling me to fuck the dumb shit and do what I had to do.

I rolled over onto Rob, who raised his legs to admit me. With my free
hand, I applied a generous dollop of saliva to my fingers before
transferring it to my cock, which throbbed hotly. Returning my fingers to
my mouth (and noticing how good my own cock tasted), I applied spit to
Rob's asshole, feeling it pucker and quiver at my mouth. I slipped a
finger into him, causing him to gasp and left it there for a moment for him
to get used to.

"Please, do it now," he whimpered and I had to resist plowing right into
him.

Impatience won over common sense and I withdrew my finger, placing the
enormous bulb of my cock at his back entrance. "Are you sure about this?"
I asked, one part hoping he'd say no, one part not giving a flying fuck.

"Yes, baby, I'm sure. Do me..."

I took a deep breath and pushed forward, feeling the head of my cock
slide past the thick ring of muscle easier than I had expected. Another
push and I was clear of his sphincter and into the depths of his bowels.

Oh, what a delicious feeling having that tight ring of muscle squeezing
me! His rectum tried to evict me and I remained still until the spasms
receded before continuing. I looked up and my eyes locked with Rob's. I
searched for any signs of discomfort on his part, pleased to find none.

"Come on, give me the rest of it, you son-of-a-bitch! Shove that black
monster in me!"

With a grunt, I pushed the remaining five inches into my lover until I
was in up to my balls. Rob cried out softly as I spread him wide.

"Ooooh, yes! Now fuck me, baby! Fuck my ass!"

Any objections I had about doing this went on vacation and I fucked him
in earnest, delighting in the feel of his tight ass around my thickness.
Time had no meaning as I pulled out, leaving the head in place before
plunging back into him. Between us, I could feel Rob's cock, now hard
again. Raising up a little, I looked down, taking in the startling
contrast of our bodies as they meshed together, mine dark, his light.

I continued to fuck into Rob, taking such delight in making him cry out
with pleasure with each thrust of my hips. Still looking down between us,
I saw his cock begin to spurt another sweet load of come; the heavenly
sight was enough to trigger my own release. My eyes, previously reduced to
slits, flew open as the first wave of pleasure crashed into me.

What a interesting feeling! I could feel my seed splashing against his
innards and flowing back along my quivering shaft. As Rob writhed beneath
me, I could feel the overflow escape the confines of his ass to flow onto
the exposed portion of my cock. Explosions of light and color flashed in
my mind as I emptied my balls into Rob until, finally, the spasms had
subsided.

Exhausted, I collapsed onto Rob's chest, breathing like an old steam
engine. Rob's arms embraced me tightly and his legs locked themselves
around my waist. We continued to move against each other, both trying to
collect our shattered thoughts. To my surprise - or delight, depending on
how you cared to look at it, I was still hard inside him, something Rob
hadn't failed to notice.

"Kenny, you are so big inside of me! You're still hard!"

I couldn't say anything - there wasn't anything to say. An ages-old
program took over: Dick's hard, buried in another's body, let's fuck.
Collecting myself, I once again picked up my rhythm, amazed at the unusual
display of stamina, especially after such an intense orgasmic flow.

"No, please..." Rob moaned. "I can't take any more..."

Raising up in push-up position, my eyes flashed angrily. "You wanted
this, you're going to get this." What the hell was going on here?

Rob struggled to free himself, to no avail. I was too big, too strong
for him to move. Not to mention I had eight inches of cock inside him.

"No, my master! Don't keep fucking me. I beg you!"

Master? Oh, well...

"If I am your master, you must submit to my desires, right?"

"Yes, my lord and master."

"Then shut the fuck up and open those legs."

"As you wish, my master."

If I were watching this taking place in a movie or something, I would
have been on the floor laughing until I pissed myself. However, this
wasn't a movie and I wasn't watching. His submission mollified me and I
continued to bang his asshole even harder.

"How dare you disobey me!" I growled. "You must be punished..."

"Punish me, my lord. hurt me for being disobedient. I deserve no
mercy."

And I gave none. For that moment in time, it was like I was watching
someone else. Savagely, I pulled out of Rob's tortured back hole, flipping
him over onto his knees. "Get your ass up here," I commanded.

"Yes, my master." Rob scooted up onto his knees, offering his ass to me,
which I promptly slapped as hard as I could, causing him to cry out in pain
(pleasure?). My passions were inflamed as I took in the sight of my large
hand print emblazoned onto the pale flesh of Rob's ass.

"Never, defy me. Never!" I said, adding a hand print to the other
buttock.

"Fuck you, my master," Rob growled.

"You wish," I replied, plunging eight inches of steel-hard cock into him
instantly. Rob grunted and fell forward at the sudden impact. I didn't
bother with ordering him to his knees - I just banged away at his ass until
an enormous wave of pleasure basically kicked my ass. I exploded into Rob
and some kind of bomb went off in my head. Some wild animal was inside my
head, howling at the moon as I once again emptied my seed into Rob's
overworked backside.

The future was starting to look promising, I thought, as we lay next to
each other. Within minutes, Rob was snoring away and I took my leave of
him, going to the bathroom and showering. Just as I was done, Karen
returned.

"How was your evening, dear?" she asked, herding the children off to
their rooms.

"Relatively quiet," I responded. "We had a long talk about a few
things."

"Nothing serious, I hope?"

"Nothing we can't handle. It was a good evening..."

Afterthoughts

I stand on the brink of discovery, right along the edge of absolute
certainty and not having a clue. I am in the process of becoming... what?
So many questions and not nearly enough answers! Is it a question of what
I am or is it a matter of who I am? Just as important, is who I am what I
am? Or is the opposite the truth I am searching for?

Truth. Everyone wants to know it, not everyone can deal with the harsh
reality which often accompanies it. There are many truths; still, the one
which matters more is the truth about one's self. And this is the truth
which is the most telling and the most difficult to deal with.

Before Rob, I was content to deal with my perversion as "one of those
things." Even then, I had shown a great love of being intimate with men.
Oh, it is such a rush, knowing you are doing something most people would
never approve of. Fuck and be fucked, suck and be sucked - it was all
about getting your rocks off, wasn't it?

Karen once again shifts her position beside me, deflecting my thoughts
into another direction. The woman beside me is my life and my only true
love. Instead of drawing comfort from this thought, it only serves to
darken my mood further. I've been unfaithful to her. Not for the first
time, but this is so very different!

The events of the past couple of days cannot be compared to others.
This isn't a case of having too much to drink and shit happening, as it did
with my best friend. Nor is this a case of not paying attention to things
and getting caught up beyond escape as it was with the man who followed me
home one night. That particular experience taught me a few things - and
not just about making love. No, this thing with Rob was different because
it is something I went into willfully and without reservation.

Troubled, I turn onto my side, wondering how Karen might react if she
ever walked in on me and Rob. Sure, she was a very understanding woman -
but would she understand this? With the thoughts rebounding through my
mind, I drifted off into a restless sleep.

The next couple of weeks were filled with both conflict and joy.
Whenever Karen would leave, Rob and I would go at each other as if we were
starving. More often than not, we would just get finished pleasing each
other just as Karen would return.

On one such occasion, Karen had left with the children for church and I
was experiencing a bit of heaven myself because I knew I would have several
hours with my friend and lover. Just as my mouth covered his erection, I
heard the door open and Karen calling for me.

I suppose it was a good thing I hadn't gotten completely undressed. As
I walked from Rob's room (leaving him hiding under the covers feigning
sleep), Karen gave me the strangest look as she told me why she had
returned. As I got the forgotten item for her, I was filled with dread;
did she suspect anything?

She had to - there was no reason for me to be in the room with Rob. As
it was, Karen thanked me and left once again, leaving me momentarily
relieved because she didn't ask why I was in there. After regaining my
composure, I returned to Rob and loved him. All the while, I listened for
the door...

That night, after making love with Karen, I faced the truth about
myself. Because of Rob, I was now questioning my sexuality for the first
time. Was I gay? My mind quickly dismissed this, simply because there was
a woman lying next to me with my seed leaking from her and it was good to
be inside of her, making her writhe with pleasure.

Okay, so I'm not gay. What am I? Past experiences rushed into my mind
to provide the answer I really didn't want to hear, forcing me to see
things about myself I didn't want to see.

The night Donald and Joyce participated in a mini-orgy with us; in the
heat of passion, my best friend's mouth and tongue toyed with my cock as
Joyce and Karen took him to new heights. As his mouth covered my cock
head, I was surprised but played it off as accidental.

The night Donald and I got drunk flashed into my mind. As I listened to
Karen snoring, I could still feel Donald's cock pumping sperm into my
throat and could hear his cries of pleasure.

The night the guy with the biggest dick I'd ever seen who followed me
home from the chinese restaurant was next. Clifford had paid me handsomely
to have sex with me. Being broke and alone at the time, I took him up on
his offer, only to learn many valuable lessons, all of which were coming
home to roost. At one point, Cliff's eleven-inch cock found its way into
me and he fucked me despite my feeble protests.

I sat up in bed, beads of perspiration forming and falling down my face
as everything begins to fall in place. I had found the common denominator
in what appeared to be random events. In each case, I had enjoyed myself.
True, with Donald, we were both five sheets to the wind; in retrospect, I
knew it was something I had always wanted to do with him.

With Cliff, I used the justification of doing it for the money. But
this wasn't true at all. When I first saw his gigantic cock, my first
impulse was to get it into my mouth. I knew the truth about myself then,
even as his massive erection gagged me - I just didn't acknowledge it. The
truth came closer to the surface even as Clifford emptied his balls into my
ass. I had protested and, in truth, could have physically stopped him.
Yet, I didn't do one damned thing as inch after inch of his monster cock
slid into my backside, nor did I retaliate when the situation was reversed.

I get out of bed and go to the kitchen for water, my mind racing as the
pieces continue to fall into place. I return to bed, lighting a cigarette
as another part clicked neatly into place. It hadn't been enough for me to
have sucked Cliff off and then be fucked by him.

I exhaled loudly, a cloud of smoke wafting into the night air. Not only
did I get to fuck Cliff in return, I even got inventive, taking advantage
of the fact he had eleven thick inches of dick. As I fucked his ass, I
managed to suck his cock at the same time. Cliff made me pay for the
pleasure, too; he came so hard and so much I had his sperm coming out of my
nose, even as I filled his ass with mine.

And now this. The truth about myself is I liked women... and men. My
mind filled with every situation I'd ever been in, quickly searching for
the common points. In each case, no matter how I tried to justify it, I
participated because I wanted to. Not for money or on a dare, not because
I was drunk, either.

My restlessness woke Karen, prompting her to ask why I was still awake.
I figured if I told her I was just thinking, she'd go back to sleep...
not.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked, turning to face me.

"Just some things about my life," I answered. "You know, trying to sort
things out."

"Things like what?" Karen asked, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

"Just things," I said, praying she'd go back to sleep.

"Oh."

Karen got out of bed and put on her robe before stumbling her way to the
bathroom. As I listened to the sound of her pissing, I knew the moment of
truth was upon me. There was no way I would be able to avoid answering her
directly for much longer!

Karen returned to our bed, taking off her robe and lighting a cigarette
of her own. Even though I had my eyes partially closed, I could see her
looking at me closely. Here it comes...

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Is there something going on between you and Rob?"

Outwardly, I know my expression didn't change. Inwardly, my heart froze
in my chest as fear clutched it with icy fingers. Time for total truth,
Kenneth. I took a deep breath before answering.

"Yes, there is." There, it's out in the open. As I waited for Karen to
respond, my thoughts went to Rob, asleep in the next room. My relationship
with Karen just might end here, but I could still try to protect him. I
turned to look at my wife, trying to read the expression on her face in the
darkness of the room.

"I thought so," she finally replied, settling into the bed next to me.
"I had a feeling something was going on but I couldn't put my finger on
it."

"I'm sorry," I offered weakly. "I just couldn't help it."

"I see," Karen said before falling silent.

It's really funny how you can get to know someone after being together
for years. I didn't have to see my wife to know she was thinking about
this revelation - I could hear and feel it. As she drew a deep breath, I
knew something was about to happen.

"You want to tell me about it?"

Whoa! I expected something - but not another question. Even as I
retold the events of the last couple of days, I knew my reprieve was a
short one. Once the whole tale had been told, I just knew she'd go
ballistic and take her rage out on both me and Rob. Tears welled into my
eyes, hot and stinging as I told her why and how. Through it all, Karen
listened quietly as I explained things to her in graphic detail until,
finally, there was nothing left to tell as I waited for my life to end.

I didn't have to wait long. Karen exhaled loudly, sitting up and
looking at me. I'm glad you said something about this," she said.

"What are you going to do?" I asked, fearing the worse.

"Nothing. Actually, I think it's cute," she said, taking me into her
arms and holding me close to her.

I can't begin to explain the relief I felt as her words sank into my
mind. I returned her embrace, grateful for more things my pitiful words
could never reveal.

"Just do me a favor, will you?"

"What's that?" I asked, snuggling against her breasts.

"Be careful. I don't think this is something you want people finding
out about you."

After promising to be careful, Karen and I made love again. This time,
it was much sweeter than it had been hours before. I had come out, in a
sense, and the woman I love approved of it.

Final Thoughts

Rob left us a week or so later, never to be seen again. Prior to his
last days with us, Rob and I made love with a new sense of urgency and
intensity. I had told him about my conversation with Karen; at first, he
was frightened until I was able to convince him there would be no
retaliation on her part and that our actions together were given her
blessing.

The last night time we made love was so much more special than the
first. Our lovemaking normally consisted of mostly oral activities; on a
couple of occasions, I fucked him, without any of my former reluctance and
without the feelings of revulsion I had previously come to associate with
anal sex.

Rob and I would suck each other until neither of us could manage one
single drop of sperm. Even if Rob had no prior experience sucking cock, he
learned quickly, coming to rival my own wife's ability to deep throat me.
We could never get enough of each other and I admit to having a major
fascination with his cock.

In my past, I knew I never enjoyed eating another man as much as I did
Rob, with Cliff being the only exception; there's something special about
being able to swallow eleven inches of cock. With Cliff, I learned to
forever suppress my gag reflex because I was determined to swallow every
inch of him. Certainly, it came with a price - I also learned it's hard to
breathe with thick gobs of sperm in your nose and sinuses.

However, with Rob, taking him deep into my throat, while much easier
than Cliff, meant much more. It gave me a sense of being fulfilled, as
opposed to the feelings of accomplishment I got with Cliff. Where Cliff
poured incredible amounts of sperm into my throat (and ass) beyond my
ability to deal with it, Rob's comings were minuscule in comparison, even
to my own spurts of manliness.

The difference here was simple: I was deeply in love with the man who
shared much more with me than just our first names. When sucking me, Rob
would fuss over me like no one ever did, praising the beauty of my cock,
flattering me with his appreciation for its length and thickness. When I
came, Rob would continue to suck me until nothing remained; then get upset
to the point of tears. Not out of disappointment but out of sheer
happiness.

This last time began no different than the times before. We lay in each
other's arms, kissing (something I'd never done before Rob) and fondling
each other. Shortly afterwards, we got into our usual little discussion
over who was going to suck whom first, which I won. Even as I devoured my
lover, I could sense this would be a special night.

Scant minutes passed before my darling issued seed into my waiting
mouth, sating my hunger for him momentarily. Then it was my turn to
receive his loving attention. After lying back onto the bed, Rob kissed me
deeply, his tongue playing with mine. Next, he attacked my nipples,
something I could never get my wife to do. Finally, Rob lowered his head
to my cock, whispering his usual volumes of praise, which always made me
smile.

sucking me off isn't an easy task; still Rob kept at it with dogged
determination until I finally spilled my load into his mouth. Even as my
erection faded, I knew what had to happen next.

"Rob?"

"Hmm?"

"I need you to do something for me, baby."

"What?"

"I want you to fuck me," I said, knowing I didn't ask out of any sense
of fairness. The last man to have my ass, Cliff, did two things for me.
One, it reinforced my dislike for being fucked, especially with eleven
inches of thick, Black maleness. However, I also learned just how nice it
felt, even for that moment. When being fucked in the ass, you are at the
mercy of the person doing you. With Cliff, there was no doubt he was in
charge; but he was just a fuck. My request to Rob was made out of love for
him.

"I thought you didn't like being, ah, fucked?" Rob said, frowning.

"Normally, I don't," I replied. "But this is different."

Rob nodded as he sensed the truth in my words. Despite this, it took
another five minutes before I convinced him to fuck me; I think the wrist
lock I put on him helped.

I watched with detached interested as Rob first lubricated his cock,
then my back hole. As his finger passed into me, I winced at the pain,
squirming to adjust quickly; I knew seconds from now, something much bigger
would find its way into me...

I opened myself to Rob as he positioned himself between my legs.
Several clumsy moments were spent trying to insert the head of his cock
into me - and I was becoming rather frustrated. Seeing the missionary
position wasn't going to work, I turned over onto my stomach, grunting
slightly as Rob lowered his weight onto me.

After a couple of slippery misses, I felt the knob of Rob's shaft lodge
itself into my sphincter and I tried to relax as much as I could. This was
going to hurt, but I wanted it so very much.

"Now," I breathed. "Do it..."

Rob obliged, thrusting forward as hard as he dared. For an instant, no
progress was made as my ass refused him entrance. A second later, Rob was
ripping into me, past the restricting ring of muscle at my entrance and
fully into my bowels. And, it didn't hurt as much as I thought it would.
As Rob settled onto my back, catching his breath, my mind flashed back to
Cliff and his damnable horse cock. Cliff had been between my legs, sucking me expertly until I was spurting everywhere. As I fought to regain my
composure, I could feel him lifting my legs and, at first, I though he was
just moving them to free himself. Until I felt his slickened knob probing
me.

"No, don't," I said, even as the head passed into me, followed quickly
by five more inches of cock. Shamefully, I threw up a little as inch after
inch of cock slid into me. As Cliff impaled me on his member, he offered
sweet words of encouragement, stroking my face until all eleven inches were
buried inside me.

Even at this point, I had recovered enough that I could I have used
deadly force to remove him from me. In my heart, though, I knew he had me,
just as I knew I would let him continue. And, continue he did, fucking me
like I had never been fucked before. A couple of times, I had dry heaves
as Cliff pounded my ass and the humiliation was almost more than I could
bear.

I spent 45 minutes with Cliff's dick up my ass; his stamina was beyond
anything I could ever imagine. By this time, I was pretty catatonic, just
lying there letting him have his way with me. In those 45 minutes, I came
four more times as his eleven-inch monstrosity kept poking my prostrate.
To my amazement, each time he made me come, my dick was completely soft!

Finally - or mercifully, depending on how you care to look at it, Cliff
came. Oh, did he ever! I felt his cock grow thicker and longer. He
grunted once and spent the next five minutes filling my tortured ass with
his hot, sticky seed, leaving me to wonder where he was keeping all of this
spunk.

Cliff didn't thrust into me like a madman, which, I suppose, was a good
thing. No, he just held me without moving while his thick snake continued
to coat my insides. When the first spurt hit, I just happened to be
looking at the clock; which how I knew he came inside me for five minutes.
Two minutes after he finished, he finally withdrew and an impossible about
of spent seed poured out of my stretched ass hole, running like a small
river down the inside of my thighs.

As Rob continued to thrust inside of me, I knew two things. One, this
wasn't anything like I experienced with Cliff and I knew I'd probably not
even notice it when Rob eventually came. The most important thing was the
man I loved was fucking me. As he fucked deeper into me, I could feel his
hand on my cock, massaging me until I came in long, thick spurts.

Rob cried out, his body stiffening. Despite my thoughts to the
contrary, I could feel Rob spilling his love into me. When he withdrew, we
were both crying out of happiness. As we held each other, I absently noted
his come was staying inside of me, right where it belonged.

The next day, he was gone. I don't know what's happened to him and
despite the years which have passed, I still love and miss him. But I have
the memory and legacy of the love we had for each other. Although not
directly responsible for changing my sexuality, Rob was responsible for
bringing it all home to me.

I am bisexual, and proud of it. Rob, wherever you are, I love you...
and thank you for awakening the truth within me.

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